We are beings of such social awkwardness, at times I wonder how we ever meet anyone and keep them at our side long enough to be promoted to ‘friend’. Bus stops, parks, supermarkets, post shops, coffee kiosks, school trips, bus rides, family reunions, takeaways, public toilets…making eye contact is a conundrum, and in general I feel that people are afraid to hold a gaze for fear of what it may reveal, or may imply. We tend to use phones now to avoid, suspending us in a techno bubble that doesn’t need to answer to anyone or anything in that moment, we are at one with our guise. Yet we are all lonely, we seek validation, we crave love in every capacity, but time after time we are seduced into a false expectation that we must either avoid connection for fear that the other person does not want the attention, or fill the space of the awkwardness created by it. So lets be a little more patient, with ourselves and others. I know I have in the past disregarded people too quickly, assuming that they offer nothing more than that 1 bad joke, that sideways smile or the writers block that comes after the ‘how are you?’. I am however one of these people too, I can come across ditzy, flippant, dismissive, quiet and withdrawn so why should I expect so much more from others…just last night I was taking to a friend about my wanting to find another ‘Angel’. To elaborate, Angel owns a piece of my heart, she is my best friend, my diary post, my confidant, my laugh, my quirk, the pea to my pod* and we met on the first day of Primary school back in 2007. It was one of those moments where I was waiting for that parent to walk in to the room with a presence that intrigued, and there she was, hair in pig-tales with stripey knee high socks complete with red crocs…she was rocking it and needless to say we latte’d our way through those Primary years. She embraced my quirks, my self doubt, my family, my need to create, my ass(et)…still a sore point sometimes, but to quote her it went a little like “you gotta get that bad boy out more often”, so I did. The point however is that there is only one of her and to seek someone similar is not fair, I am trying to fill a gap created by her move across that body of water to Australia, and now here I am with a toddler in an isolated life wanting to connect with someone who will listen to all the ins and outs and vice versa, to feel that light bulb moment of gotcha**
I have had more awkward conversations about the weather than any other subject in my life, washing probably come in second place. Then there are the pull up a chair this is about to get interesting moments, where you are in the mix of some deep and meaningfuls encompassing relationship, sex, babies, cleavage, butt size, hair, life’s purpose and how much caffeine produces heart palpitations, seducing everyone into a potential caffeine detox regime, then promptly ordering another flat white. These conversations are prescribed goodness that jump you back into the reality that everyone is going through something, we are all fragile, we all have doubts, and it is here that I believe if we can just pause and observe and take a punt of a potential coffee date or playgroup committee meeting, that we will find something…what that is I am still discovering, but as long as I am open to it, it has to be a purebred winner*
So I will take my own advice and some of others too, put them in my pocket and walk on down to the coffee shop and see what happens, social awkwardness in itself can be a huge shove up the jacksie to embrace the terrifying and reap the rewards…
and just to clarify…
It means backside, bottom, arse…
The word comes from : Jacksie = Jack and Danny = Fanny.
It’s not a synonym for fanny though.
So here’s to the scary, change your outfit 10 times nervewracking walk out the door voyage, that is yourself in this world of others*
P.S If all else fails have a shot of tequila*